星期天=读书天？

今天还真有点纳闷。星期六拼命做功课，星期天确实整天娱乐。

这听起来是正常，但对于一个工程学生来说，这是一种奢侈。

没有制度化的完成任务，还真的不是滋味。说好要进步，却还是没做到。

再多的借口不想再听，再多的安慰不需再给。什么星期天应该好好的休息屁话，我根本不接受。

我想起了以前每个周末。以前每天都过的很忙，但忙到心灵不空虚。为什么在这里会忙到很空虚？我不明白，到底是什么作怪？

是我不想在聊天，谈心？还是我真的不想要别人打扰我读书？我想有个人找我聊天，但是我却想要那个人不要打扰我读书。有这么的两全其美吗？

依稀中，是有，却渐渐的从我的记忆消失中。我不想，却无法逃避。时间是一切伤口的良药，也是一切甜美回忆的毒药。它麻醉了整个体系，然后淡化你一直想维护、回味的人生甜品，再把你卷入寂寞无底洞，品尝人世间的冷淡无情。

你说我真的悲哀无救了，那我想问：有谁愿意指出我心里悲哀的原因呢？



**但还是很高兴，这里至少还有一个朋友无畏我的寂寞无底洞，伸手拉我走进他的圈子里。我想，我还是幸运的，也是幸福的。祝愿我这位朋友永远快乐，因为你比我更有福。

哑巴和不说话，没分别

哑巴和不说话，没分别。

我们常常要保持身体活跃，就需要常常多做运动，嘴巴亦然如是。

多说话，你的思维才能更加灵活；多说话，你的表达气派才不会失色。

可惜没人要听你的意见时，我竟然会选择封嘴，不多辩驳。可能会太累吧。

现在就常常把想说的话写成文章，好让我能顺畅表达。

其实，也没什么好顺畅的。写到这儿就江郎才尽了 =="

说错话的罪过

12:30am， 我依然走在这漆黑的道路，小雨滴滴答滴答打在我的脸上，将我内心的愧疚洗涤。

人说错话，很容易的让人误会。朋友之间依然如此。

但是后果的严重程度，视乎之间的友情堡垒有多巩固。

通过朋友C知道，朋友A拿不到microsoft的second interview，朋友B确实通过朋友A鼓励去申请，结果A拿到。

很多时候，命运就是如此的安排。你说A的条件不够好？A的条件跟B的一样好，但让我对于这种情况而言，老天真的眷恋B多点。命运就是如此。

可是白目的我，我之前和朋友C开玩笑说："这样A就应该很堵懒咯~~”。C没回答我，笑了笑而已，而我却误以为他认同我。结果，坏事来临。

过了几个小时，在工作展览会让我撞见A。

“找到什么公司吗？” 我问A。
“只是随便两三间而已，你呢？”
“我才一间罢了”

“还好吗？你最近的感受？”
“什么感受？你在讲着什么？”
“那个Microsoft的事~~听C讲，B拿到，你没拿到，你肚懒吗？”
“没有这回事啦，C跟你讲了什么？”

到这个时候，我看着他的眼神和语气就不是很对劲。想是惹到他做人的人格吧。

“哦，没什么。我从C知道这件事，然后我就问C你有没有肚懒，是我问的，不是他说的！”我强调的说，却有点吞吞吐吐。

********************************************************************************
这件事后的两小时，突然来了一则短讯，是C线来的。

“你刚刚对A说了什么？”

这个时候，意识到误会的感觉来临了，因为我是误会里的常客。

“我说我问你A有没有肚懒咯·······（解释）”

“我没有说他肚懒啦！”

我知道，误会爆发了。只好写另一则短讯，和A好好解释发生什么事。

*******************************************************************************
写完了，在闷骚着：和我做朋友没有好下场，建立的友谊如此的经不起磨练。

怪人就是怪人，没人会跟着我这个怪人的思维走。那就只好封闭我的怪思想吧。

回到家的脚步时重时轻，可能我还想停下脚步，静静的感受每一滴雨滴为我心灵疗伤······

内心交战

这场战争，重蹈覆辙，久久不能在我的心里熄灭。

话说这个星期，我与功课交战整整五天，直到今天，我终于战败。

战败，固然是不能准时解决问题，但深一层思考，我是被自己的心魔战败。

我是这么的被心魔和心佛纠缠着。

心魔：看你看你，你这么不能准时解决功课，你真的是够笨了！枉你以前是好学生能准时交功课。

心佛：你已经尽力了，不要逼得自己太紧。

心魔：笨也算了，你看连你的朋友你都解救不到，看着他们个个交上做不完的功课。枉你整天为他们劳心劳力，你却给他们带来什么屎？

心佛：你是人，不是神。

心魔：你看你自己，还有什么好发展的？以前还说书读得好，有一席之地。现在连这都没了，运动也不好，口才也频频出问题，胆子比以前更弱，面子比以前更薄，总以为自己能独当一面，不需要别人的帮忙。

自己：心魔，你可以不要再说了吗！我不知还能挨到什么时候。聪明的人整天在卖聪明，突显我本身在他眼里的渺小；不大会说好话的人最终得不到别人的好感；保持中立而从不拥有自己的立场，就不会给人留下一个印象；如果我自己不争气点，那时候谁会理你？你以为我不想咨询别人吗？我只是不想成为依赖者。我曾经依赖朋友，结果拖累了朋友。现在我只想争一口气，你就拿无谓的理论驳倒我，令我不知所措。

心佛：打开你的心，接受别人的一切。卑躬屈膝只为知识，并不可耻。打开你的口，让别人知道你的想法，至少你不会彷徨于别人对于你的想法。

自己：我不想再管你们两个了。整天这样那样，都不知谁对谁错。我现在选着睡觉，忘掉这个星期的悲欢离愁。耐你们如何？

可是，我知道：只要同样事件再发生，自己也逃不了。

This weekend.....

Seriously I believe weekend is not good to do so much assignment. Laziness overcome me as weekend is supposed a good time to relax. But during weekdays, I will always push all work to weekend. However, during weekend I reluctant to do so much work since I have done pretty much works during weekdays (I believe =P) SO, I DECIDED: I MUST WORK VERY VERY HARD DURING WEEKDAYS. THEN ONLY HAVE REASONS TO ENJOY WEEKENDS. Hopefully I can do it at my best effort.

Actually this two weeks were totally influenced by the HK drama series still! 怒火街头2 is still good to me to enjoy. But somehow I still could control myself so I wouldn't be attracted to finish the whole series in one day. I kept watching one episode a day so it consumed two weeks to finish twenty episodes. haiz...... not persistent to resist such temptation. Epic fail. Somehow I promised her to not always watching movie or Taiwan talk show while studying. I agree that I have no such persistence like her: not touching fb, not watching movie, only concentrating on study. I wonder why she could have such strong mindset. May be I am a bit weak. haha...

Today I totally are not in the right mood to concentrate on the study. spending too much time to study is really mind torturing. I keep silence all the day in my room. It isn't the right way, but still I am fail to get other people to kacau me. I used to study alone. Even though sometimes studying in a group is fun, I cannot do more than when I am studying alone. however, it needs extreme high patience and persistence to do it. I am fooled by myself, sincerely. =(

So, nothing is making me move forward now. I need more strength, please.....

沉淀·一切

今天下雨，不是很稠密，却很冷。
没有雨伞，就随手拿件寒衣，穿上就走路去学校。
很不幸，今晚就鼻子塞了，伤风感冒。

生物课，上到越想越气。
怎么可能要一个四年没碰过生物的工程学生，懂得所有的生物术语，还要一点就懂得当今科技原理。简直不可理喻！

想了又想，明天是不是真的要去？
我还没做好心理准备去面对异国寻工作的挑战。
说是说去到那儿没人睬你，你也不会损失多少；
但我怕的是，我不知要如何推销自己！？（如果有公司代表问起我的话）

东西做了又做，真的没什么耐性，很像爬到床上睡觉，再不然可以有人让我谈天谈个痛快。
可是环境就是这样，是令你开心的，你根本不用想任何理由令你开心；令你寡言的，你就是连说多一句话都觉得很累。

种种事件，就造就我写成这篇自我寻乐的文章。希望有人看见这篇文摘，问问我的鼻子还有塞吗？那是会带给我的一种小快乐。=)

没了信心，你还有什么？

今天天空本来还很蓝，可是领国的一个女孩心声，却把这天空染灰了。

那个女孩有点像我，同样生肖属羊，同样来到地球另一半求学，并拥有同样的血缘，更拥有近乎100%相同性格。

读书压力大，异国他乡不能适应，更重要的是遇不到对的知己述说自己的心底话，无助的感觉无底洞一般深。

真不晓得，我们这91年新生代这么会emo。我自己也是病患者，能为他做的就是互相勉励。不是我们不想重获信心，而是我们实在的被现实一次又一次地驯服。能继续提起疲惫的脚步往前踏，已算是不错了。

大家，我不是什么前卫者。我，只是爱默默耕耘；没了信心，我还有沉静。=）

回到枫叶之国以后~~

2012年9月3日，夏天末，我回到了加拿大。

经过接近两天的转机旅程，我很肯定的，被这王八蛋航班折磨死了。我一定要写下这几件事情，以免以后再被愚弄了。

第一，一定要准备好登机文件。如果本身有在哪里转机，就必须准备好所有有关的文件（itinerary or flight ticket)，好方便自己通关。如果用手机登入（check in），那你会面对很多网络问题，一个字：“慢！”。记得，不要用Air Asia Premier Lounge 做你的文件影印，RM25 网费+RM3 一页影印费！太贵了！！！

第二，在美国转机，肯定至少三小时！由于第一步从外地踏入北美洲，所以检查手续超麻“林”烦。队伍无比的长，只是等待被检查都花了一个小时。过了海关后，必须拿出行李，跑去另一个地方放入。接着坐机场地铁到另一个航厦，又要接受海关检查。检查完成后，就要以迅雷不及掩耳的速度跑去最尾的入门口。你是根本无法想象那时候是多么的狼狈！

*********************************************************************************

今天，发生了一个不可思议的事。

开课第二天就送了这么大份的“礼物”，真的太无言了。

那是我朋友收到一个"mass text"（喻为大量信息，目的是为了信息传送者得到联系人里的协助或注意），里头说我们的朋友被送去医院紧急单位，需要我们来做确认。下课后，我们就立刻跑去。很可惜的，到了那儿和医疗人员确认后，却没有我们的朋友。我们跟着指示跑了四个地方，依然没有他的入院记录。开什么玩笑？于是大家开始想是否有人用她的电话开玩笑，可是一路上我们也联系不到她。那也真的无奈了。然而，我的朋友无意间可以联系到，可是接电话的人却只是个路过的中国人。那时候我们才发现，她的电话原来被人盗用了。那位好心人士说他在路边发现她的电话，也收到很多信息和电话。我和另一个朋友立即和那位好心人士相遇，拿回电话，联络她妈妈，好让她妈妈放心。接着，再联络她的男朋友（通过面子书联络方式联络她的外籍男友）。我们见面后，问起她男友她是否安全，并现在在哪里。她男友却不愿详细解释，超怪的！当她男友离开后，我们依然不放心，继续通过面子书追问他。在多番尝试后，我们的朋友终于打来了。她的一通电话，让我们安心了许多。原来她的电话不见了，让坏人有机可乘，但这坏人也太无聊了吧！

之后，大家都离开了，结束这无谓的“旅程”。没想到，外国人的日子是这么空虚的。

21岁，梦想=烦恼

看了看标题，你有什么感想？

很扯吧？我们总认为，梦想是美好的。没错，梦想是美好的，但那是当你完成你的梦想后，所引发的感受。

而实现梦想途中的艰苦，你我就对它不堪设想。

成为工程师，是从小第一志愿。每次填入志愿表格，第一格总是留给“工程师”。

而成为工程师的条件是什么？我不知道。中学阶段，自己只认为可能数理科好，就能平步青云做工程师。

我很想实现我的梦想，无奈梦想的事实与预测背道而驰。

为什么？

就只是因为目前实习的生涯令我感到麻木。

工作环境：朝七晚五，周一到周五，不停的重复转动，面对着的是永无止境的产量提升。上班塞车，下班一样塞车，十足是标准上班族生涯。

老朋友不在身边出现，做工就显得毫无意义。即使大学同学和我一起工作，也不起劲，因为他只是我普通的大学同学~~

目前的生活，虽然并不代表着什么重要的意义，但这却影响到我对于以后工作的期望与计划：

“如果以后的生涯是如此，那我不如成为中学教师，或是大学教授。至少假期比标准上班族好得多。”

这个想法，持续了一个多月，直到昨天的一场聚会，对我的想法有做出一点改变。

昨天的聚会，让我发现，每个人的现况，依然离不开工作的叹息。以前，我们还会聊起学校的活动，老师的是非；现在剩下的是大家对于未来发展的期望，甚至是谈婚论嫁。大家视乎长大了，迈向另一个境界，不再是以前那青涩的中学生，是个准备冲向社会大展拳脚的年轻人。

人终曲散，现在是我每每的死穴。我不想聚在一起，缺霎那间要分离。

才发现，我失去了实现梦想的动力；才发现，我越来越逃避现实了。

The girl's story - #16

Today story will be in special edition. This story start with a boy who has his birthday today. Yes, it is me today - 20/6/11. And I am going To do some little crazy thing in my birthday. Guess what? I am going to confess to my 6 years in love girl. This is not a joke. And i am going to start this plan soon.

 I went to her house as usual.

 "happy birthday.:)" She know that my birthday today.
 "thank you." i can't controlling my feeling, nervous.
 "haha why you look so nervous today? Anyway, would you let me know how are you going to celebrate our birthday?"
 "hmm.... I want.....errrr.... I want....." shit, why do i nervous?
 "lol. What you want, birthday boy?" she tried to see through my eye to guess what I want.
 "errr... I want..... Watching movie with you!" Haiz, useless of me....
 "oh okay, so what you want to watch?" she smiled at me, my cute answer perhaps.
 "you decide" my brain need to cool down.
 "let's watch Tron and Hulk 2"
 "okay" I replied.

Movie-ing....(After 4 hours)

 "You sure you want to celebrate your birthday in such a way?" she curious on my way.
 "erm.... Ya...." again, my nervousness beat me down.
 "hmm... I understand that you want to keep your birthday as less people know as possible." she knew that in advanced.
 "anyway, happy birthday. Wish you have a nice day" she smiled, again.

 I scared. And I took the bike and leaving. I didn't go back to home straight away. I personally monologue to myself. "why are you so coward? Aren't you wish to let her know? Isn't it your target of coming back to Malaysia? You this coward! If you don't do it, you will regret forever!" At the sparkling light moment, I decided to go back to her house. I called her out. And she went out to meet me.

 "lol anything you want to talk to me?" she even more curious.
 "I...i..." I can't speak out a word!
 "lol what happen to you today? So weird la you."
 "I love you! I want you to be my girl friend! Is it okay?" I said it very very softly. But she heard it.
 "err... You so funny la today"
 "no, I am serious" Her face is red, like an apple.
 "errr... You are good actually. But I have not prepared to this kind of feeling. I need to focus on my study since I am on the borderline of my result." she slowly gave the reason.
 "so, hopefully you could considerate my reason."

 My heart Is broken. And the heart is bleeding. Now I only realize the bleed is sour as it flowed out from my heart to my throat. I was defeated.

 "haha. Okay, forgot what I have said to you, just become normal. Today nothing happen, right?" I acted really like coward dog!
 "yea, you are right. And I will forgot hat we said just now." she reiterated it.
 "so we are still friend?" I carefully asked.
 "yes, we are" she forcefully smiled at me.

 Yes, finally, I got my answer for the question that has been sealed in my heart for six years. Although it is not my favorite answer, it still solved my curiousity. And now it is 20/6/12, which is one year after his incident. I really can't imagine why time could really flies even don't have wing? ( sorry for my cold joke). Anyhow, life must go on. She is having final exam in this few days and will be released from A-level soon. Hopefully, she will success. And This event will be my nostalgia, forever. These are my birthday wish for this year, and specially for her.

You never know how does it feel...

"Nothing much. The thing you still possess by yourself is nothing much, if you can't get the consensus from your companion." Yes, again, I am emo. I don't know how many times I need to be frustrated in such a condition. Many people think that I am too serious. Many people think that I am easily getting angry on annoying and unrespected little matter. Still got many people think I am just giving other people trouble. I couldn't declare all the misunderstanding you have to me. However, I admit that I easily get serious on every matter in the past. Because I just don't want to miss any important moment, any important message you would like to deliver to me.I don't know how to joke, I don't know how to bring fun to other people. I am just a dull people who don't know what are you guys expect to get from me. Thanks for those who really put a lot of effort I understand me. I Can't do anything more but appreciate the sacrification you made in order to mix with me. Thanks and I am gratitude to whatever I have.

The girl's story - #15

Last Weekend is really boring like SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, I am not exaggerating. Staying at Relau which is a place near to Industrial Area isn't have lots of fun. So, I decided to do window shopping in Komtar and Prangin Mall! 

Walking with my two feet, I reached the bus station nearby. I took the bus and it is fantastically took me an hour to reach Komtar -.-|| The first shop I saw after dropping from bus is POPULAR!!! (not really exciting) walked into the bookstore, randomly searching the book. I found "其實相愛很簡單" and it is cheap - RM10. But it took me a while to decide. Why? Because I didn't have POPULAR Privilege Card with me! haha... I am a boy who know how to "jimat". those girls must take me into consideration if you want to form a good family. wahaha dreaming XD. Anyway, I didn't buy it and decide to go back Ipoh and buy. hehe

In the next second, I really got nothing to do. Window shopping could filled my time wisely, fortunately. So, I walked to every level of prangin mall from top to bottom, and then from bottom to the top. (really nothing to do ma~~) and then finally decide to have dinner in McD. 

Hmm... what kinds of meal should I have？ahha! Chicken Foldover ! This is the one introduced by her - lan lan xiong! suddenly recall her intro in her text message. don't know she really true or not. 

me: buying McD now! hehe

her: oo.... go and try the new one...It's quite nice... called chicken foldover if not mistaken...

me: ya meh? bt expensive leh. RM9.95. dun wan la.

her: that one can fill ur stomach until very full la... expensive but worth ma~~

me: I see. bt full meh? u ate two?

her: one la... u thought I can eat so much meh = = 

me: who know? long time didn't see you d. may be fatter like pig ^@^ haha

her: = =

me: nenenenebubu~~ haha

her: =P dun "choi" you... I study my bio...

eating chicken foldover is really full together with one huge coke and fries. and actually the chicken meat isn't that bad. =) the thing I don't like is only the bread. Then I text her back.

me: eat liao McD chicken foldover. meat nice but bread not nice. hehe

her: lol. that bread is healthier than the orginal burger la...

me: Why, future Pharmacist? lol

her: = = tell u after exam. now busy =P

She really crazy preparing for her final exam in A level. Nothing is bigger than her study, not even "Pak Toh". haiz..... this is the faith. and I could only become her "成功的女人背後的男人" LOL..... 

Finished McD meals, going home by bus. Again, it is an hour journey @@

Surprise that someone is looking forward my blog =P

that isn't a long time since my last post - just few weeks ago. Although writing blog isn't announcing your updated news to everyone in the world, it is a warmness and encouragement for you if you heard someone told you that he/she is still looking forward your latest updated blog after freaking long time inactivation in blogger. I felt grateful and happy. Thanks to my lovely friend =D

So, let me start with a good opening. Hmmm..... Hmmm..... Hmmm....... (2 hours later~~ =P)

It has been one month since I started my internship in Robert Bosch Power Tools. From nothing-to-do period, I have became a "busy" man - attending workshops, doing protocol, auditing line, taking photo, booking venue and etc. It seems like a little bit off from my major but I get used to it. Now I only realize the "real" life of being a industrial engineer (indeed I am doing Industrial Engineering task although I am under manufacturing department). everything is new, and again, I resist to face the changes. first week is my suffering week as I was not used to the working environment. luckily I have a nice supervisor and colleagues. they could always reduce my tension by chatting a lot. haha.

So right now every weekend is my only relaxing time. I can't live without weekend right now. =P

First day of internship = self-tension day

It is just not my day although you are not scolded by anyone. I just give myself too much tension and can't concentrate on what I need to do actually. But the factory is so big. Tired. Just want to get enough sleep but not feeling like to work tomorrow. Anyway, I believe you, chee Weng! You are no longer a idiot childish boy that will easily cry because of scare. You must be a real man!